Status Update: Chipmunk Dead

So I write boldly earlier in the day regarding the Roller Derby Girls and there ability to roll with the punches literally. I either need to join immediately or accept that I am a cowardly bitch.

So I was freaking about the chipmunk thing. Mostly because there are a few solutions. Cats find chipmunk and I find carcass. Chipmunk hides leaving a trail of poo to its eventual resting place in home. Chipmunk who I believe to be of a kind and friendly nature and I meet and as I try to assist he bites me. Decide to take a shower and chill out a bit upstairs. Jon believed at this time the chipmunks location to be in back living room.

We stayed up til 3a, woke up at 8 and got to a big family brunch at 9a and then drove the two hours home. Warm shower calls me. Water is soothing and I think what the hell I’ll blow dry my hair and try to keep up this new do rather than let it turn into a fro. Weezul the cat is hanging out in the upstairs bath with me.

Something isn’t right, he is way too interested in the bath storage cart. I being cautious still close all the drawers so if the chipmunk is a stowaway he will be safe until I can get the cat out of the room. I turn on the hair dryer and my life becomes an episode of Tom and Jerry. Chipmunk was behind storage cart and took off for the sanctuary offered by our closet. I scream like a girl and jump on the chair in the bathroom hair dryer in hand wearing cozy clothes.

Second scream to interrupt his game. Jon comes upstairs and stalks the chipmunk in the closet. He is hanging out on my boots, climbs on my wedding dress, up his pants. As Jon shakes his pant hanger to loosen the chipmunk I am back almost two years ago.

Sadly this isn’t the first chipmunk episode in our shared life together. When we first met the cats had a chipmunk trapped in the kitchen and as Jon was going on a mad cleaning spree to find out what the funk smell was he scared the chipmunk and in ran into the laundry room and up a didgeridoo. Jon takes the didgeridoo outside and genius that I am I suggest that he try blowing it out. Being brighter than myself he suggest that it could run up the instrument and into his mouth. He in the full view of the neighbors and the nursing home that backed up to his apartment shook the chipmunk from his didgeridoo. That the cops weren’t called on suspicious drug induced behavior still surprises me.

Jon got the chipmunk in a box and was escorting it out of our bathroom. I was on the chair with wet hair laughing my ass off on the verge of tears. I need to join the roller derby girls or take up that knife fighting stuff the R.E. teaches. Chipmunk escapes box into dogs mouth. Chipmunk dies. Jon returns to game. Humbled greatly I realize I must publicly declare my cowardice immediately. This is not the woman I want to be.